Hi you guys. Actually it had been a while i left my blog without any contents even though I am not such a good writer. Zizie busy planning banyak perkara dan mengharapkan apa yang zizie plan tu akan menjadi a big-meaningful day for me. And guess what, kita ni manusia ni hanya mampu merancang tetapi Allah dah atur segalanya untuk kita.
Siapa suka apa yang dah rancang dengan elok dan cantik, tiba-tiba tak menjadi dalam masa terdekat dan ianya melibatkan the whole family. Siapa suka? - Nobody. I do admit it started with my own mistake. So, I keep hold it by myself and rela jela semua orang persalahkan zizie. I cannot transfer my own mistake to others because it is unfair. So, when my friends asked me for what happened, I always start, "Semuanya salah aku weh."
Maybe the blaming session would not solve anything, and dorang just cakap, "Zie, kau kuat. Kalau aku jadi kau, aku dah meroyan." Mungkin zie nampak kuat sebab ni salah zizie. Yes, in front of people, I am quite strong but inside my heart. Pffftttt.. Bila balik rumah, I'm alone and I cried a lot sampai satu tahap dah tak ada air mata langsung. I cannot eat cause I'll threw them all up. Bila bangun pagi, kau bayangkan rasa sakitnya hati tu macam ada orang ketuk-ketuk hati kau, hempap hati kau. Nak buat kerja dengan niat nak distract dari fikir benda-benda tu tapi dia datang jugak sampai dah naik pening kepala. I almost get crazy and doing crazy things. No one helped me except Him. I am lucky to have His mercy, and only to Him I rely on.
Dan sungguhlah orang kata, "Apabila kita sedang menerima nikmat dariNya, itu ialah ujian dan apabila kita sedang menerima dugaan dariNya, itu ialah nikmat". Masa zie tengah down, kecewa dan separuh gila tu, zie sempat scroll facebook and ada orang share video Aida Azlin di News Feed. Her video makes me thing of what happened to me and what am I doing right now. Sampai bila nak meratap sedih? Mana diri aku dahulu?
And I start thinking that I need to face it! And I did faced my problem and discuss about it. I realise that all of this guilty is because of I did not get a real answer. I was left without exact answer. When I get the answer, I walk away and back home. Have a bath, solat and watched Istanbul Aku Datang in Youtube. Mak call masa zie tengah mengantuk nak tidur and I told her, "Mak, let's not talk about this anymore. It's wasting our time. I want to let go all of it. I want to focus on myself". I know she worries a lot about me while I am in place that far from my family.
Alhamdulillah, the next day I wake up I did not feel pain in my heart anymore. Syukur 10000x. He granted my du'a. I wouldn't be hypocrite that I do not feel sad anymore. Of course I am sad when it comes in my mind. Allah takkan pernah menduga umatNya melebihi dari kemampuan umatNya. I faced it, I try to solve it, and this is the result. Alhamdulillah.
I do heard that no one cares when you have the problems. 90% would not care about it and 10% will be glad for you to have it. Hahaha. How sarcastic.
So girl, if you have problems, zizie nak suggest korang tengok video Aida Azlin. Very inspired spiritually. Make you to love yourself better. Likes... kerana dirimu begitu berharga. Bangkit! Bangun! Dan percaya dengan Allah SWT!
